No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
