I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
