Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
