I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
