SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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