SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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