thus making me awesome and them whores
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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