he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
