A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
