Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
