Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
