She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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