I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
