My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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