Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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