i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
