I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
