...so i touched it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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