she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
