dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
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