Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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