I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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