He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize