Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize