that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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