Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
