Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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