Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
