literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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