Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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