Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
