apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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