Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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