Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
