So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
