beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
