FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
