Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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