I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We need to get me chipped asap
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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