we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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