your room smells of hookers.
And success
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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