Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
