her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize