It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
