maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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