I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
