We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
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