we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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