Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
