just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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