some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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