On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
