so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
one might say we're banned from that church
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
