I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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