Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I smell stomach acid.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
