You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm passing your future prison.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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