Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
