Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
