Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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