He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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