The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
