I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
