i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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