I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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