New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
