He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
