nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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