jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
