i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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