Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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