Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
